1. Night and Morning Prayer … to say thanks, to ask for help in your marriage and family, to worship together.
2. A Weekly Planning Meeting … to discuss the calendar, talk over needs and problems, decide priorities and next steps. (Write decisions in a journal, including goals and discussion topics, and reasons for each.)
3. A Daily Phone Call or Personal Conversation … to say “I love you,” to touch base, to discuss the day, to show you care.
4. A Weekly Date … to a favorite park, a concert, the library, the gym; or staying home for a candlelight dinner, a game, or a mutual hobby.
5. Patience Regardless … of missed meals, tardiness, forgotten favors, a thoughtless remark, impatience.
6. Daily Service … helping with house or yard work, mending a piece of clothing, taking a turn with the sick baby, fixing a favorite meal. (Write it down. Do it!)
7. A Budget … to tie down income and expenses, help set financial goals, and give you control over your finances.
8. Listening … not only to what is said, but also to what is meant.
9. Regular Attendance … at church—and where possible—the temple.
10. Daily Scripture Reading … to learn the gospel, to receive inspiration for yourself and your marriage, to become more like Jesus.
11. Working Together … caring for a garden, painting a bedroom, washing the car, scrubbing floors, building a piece of furniture, writing a poem together, team teaching a class.
12. Forgiving Each Other … always learning from each other, trying a different way, being the first to make peace.
13. Courtesies … like saying please and thank you, not interrupting or belittling, not doing all the talking, continuing the niceties of courtship.
14. Soft and Kind Words … of tenderness, compassion, empathy.
15. Learning Together by … reading to each other, discussing ideas, taking a class.
16. Respecting … opinions, ideas, privacy.
17. Supporting Your Spouse’s … Church callings and righteous goals.
18. Caring for Your Spouse’s Family by … enjoying their company, praying for them, serving them, overlooking differences.
19. Occasional Gifts … such as a note, a needed item—but mostly gifts of time and self.
20. Loving with All Your Heart. “Thou shalt love thy wife [thy husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her [him] and none else.” (D&C 42:22.)
When I was in junior high, my older sister Anne’s piano teacher gave her a piece of music to learn over her summer break and to perform at the high school’s concerto night the following school year. All summer long and into the school year, my sister practiced and practiced this piece of music. On sunny days, my mom would open all the windows in the house (lack of central air conditioning) and let my sister’s music mix with the sun, the wind, and the blue skies. I was and still am amazed at the beauty of the piece and its complexity. I have probably heard the piece hundreds and hundreds of times as it became the soundtrack to my family’s life for that year.
I have this memory of being in the high school auditorium watching Anne performed her piece. When it was over I heard her piano teacher yelling, “BRAVO! BRAVO!” I still get choked-up over the memory. I can’t express my sense of awe and admiration I had for my sister that day.
Last night I went to the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra’s last summer concert at the Strathmore Center. I went with three friends that I had met through the mix n’ mingle at church (all girls). After the few weeks I have had at work, the music felt like it was healing my soul. I know that sounds trite but I needed something to give me a little lift and the concert hall, my friends, and the music did it. The Strathmore Concert Center is only 30 minutes from my house and I can’t believe it has taken me this long to go.
When I received the email asking me if I wanted to go to the concert, I jumped at the chance because the concert was entitled, “A Tribute to Gershwin & Bernstein” and I was thrilled to hear my sister’s piece performed.
The conductor was Bramwell Trovey. He was extremely funny and he explained each piece in a way that allowed you to envision the music. The highlight of the evening was when Bramwell Trovey played and conducted the piece of music that is so ingrained into my head, Rhapsody in Blue. He started by standing and conducting the clarinet solo that is so famous and then went and sat down at the piano to do his part. It was so engaging to watch him masterfully conduct and play and sometimes conduct with his head as he played. I wish you could have all been there because it was magical and I still get choke-up thinking about the performance and the night. And all I can say is, BRAVO! BRAVO!
