Cougar

A friend call me the other day to tell me that she heard this "really nice " single guy talk in church and she thought, “I should really line Chris up with this guy.” I giggled politely and said, “Well, that would be nice.” The problem was that she really did not know much about him. She knew the basics like where he grew-up, where he went to law school, that he is a lawyer for a DC law firm, he is divorced and he has a five year old little boy. However, she didn’t even know his name!

Well, the other night, I saw my friend and after looking at her ward directory, we figured out his name. Then I went home and did what any smart single woman does, I goggled him. Through Google I confirmed where he grew up; I even found the name of his high school. I confirmed where he went to law school, where he works and then I found out that he is 7 years younger than me (let’s just call me cougar!). I sent my friend a text and nicely told her that I wasn’t sure that I single guy in his late 20’s was going to be that excited about going out with a woman in her mid-thirties. I do know successful stories of women marrying younger men but still...7 years?! (My old boss did marry a man 10 years younger and they have been happily married for 25 years.) I usually date men older than me (the last two have been 8 years older). However, I am not going to second guess progress so, if he wants to go grab dinner, I am game. Who knows, I might have a little cougar in me after all.

Matchmaker

In April 2009, I went on two dates with a very nice guy (let’s call him Science Guy). We actually had some things in common like the fact that we grew-up within minutes of each other, we knew many of the same people and we both worked in science labs at Universities at one point in our lives. However after the two dates, I knew that the relationship wasn’t going forward and I sensed he thought the same thing. So, we said our good-byes and we moved on. I would like to say, THE END but it wasn’t the end.

A few months later I was sitting in church and I thought, “You know what?! Science Guy would be a good match for that single girl I met at church (let’s call her Science Girl).” I then proceeded to talk myself out of the match because really what could I do? The next week, the thought kept coming to me in very strange ways and I finally decided to act upon it.

So, I called Science Guy. At first he was defensive about the fact that he hadn’t called and it had been months since our last date. I quickly reassured him that I wasn’t calling him to somehow “reconnect” and he relaxed a bit. I asked him if he knew Science Girl and he said, “No.” so I told him about the thought that kept coming into my mind and I told him that I would love to set-up a meeting/ date between the two of them. I also might have mentioned how much in common I thought they had and how I thought they would be a great match. He was so nice about the whole thing and thanked me for thinking of him. Then he said that now that I explained to him who Science Girl was, he actually did know her and her sister. He had nice things to say about her married sister and Science Girl so I tried to close the deal. I said, “Well, I REALLY think you should ask her out.” He said he would think about it and I told him that I thought he was a really nice guy and that he deserved a really nice girl and that he should ask her out (I probably told him three times, yes we can say overkill). I think I was pretty blunt and forward but by the end of the conversation I had the feeling that he wasn’t going to call her.

Fast forward almost a year and a half later. I was at a basketball game last week (Go Wizards!) with some friends and Science Girl was there. She was sitting on a different row and I was sitting by a friend of mine who just got engaged (We’ll call her Bling). I was telling Bling about my Employee Referral/ Dating idea and then I told her the story about Science Guy and Science Girl (she knows both of them). She thought about the match for a second and then agreed that it could be a great match. Bling asked me to give her Science Guy’s phone number. She said that she was going to call him and let him know that she thinking about him and that she thought that he would make a good match with Science Girl. (She wasn’t going to tell him HOW she thought about the match.) The next morning I received this text from Bling, “I just talked to Science Guy. He was happy to take Science Girl’s info and ask her out. Yahoo! ……..I hope it works!” (Maybe it will just take two different people giving Science Guy the same idea that will get him to ask Science Girl out.)

So, back to my original theory of matchmaking, dating referrals can be successful and we should try and help others find matches. I think we should all keep our fingers crossed that maybe Science Guy and Science Girl might someday become a Science Family with little Science babies. (Too much?) Well, maybe we can just hope that Science Guy and Science Girl can have a nice dating experience and that this nice dating experience can lead to more confidence for both of them, which can lead to more dates for both of them which will eventually result in a marriage for both of them together or to different people. You just never know.

Employee Referral Program or a.k.a A Win-Win Situation

At work we have an employee referral program. Here is how the program works: if you refer an applicant and the company hires the applicant, you receive $250-500 (depending on the grade level of the employee) when the applicant/ now new employee reaches their 90-day anniversary and $250-500 (again, depending on the grade level of the employee) when the new employee reaches their 6-month anniversary. It is a pretty good deal. Refer good employees like yourself to work for a great company and receive a little extra spending money for yourself. I think this is a win-win situation.

Over my eleven years of recruiting and working for different companies, my best hires have been (for the most part) the hires that were referred by current employees. I think this process works for because when your employees are happy at work, they want other people to be happy with them and they refer their friends. It also works because employees are not going to refer just anyone. They are going to be careful who they refer because they think that the applicant/employee’s performance is in a part, a reflection on them.

So, my question is, if an employee referral program works so well for filling my open positions at work, why can’t it work for my love life? Ok, stay with me for a moment, take this example, if my friends, family members, co-workers happened to keep my singleness in the back of their minds, then they might know or meet someone that could be a referral/match for me. I am not saying this is about blind dates. This isn’t just a date where your friend happens to know someone single and they know you are single so therefore, they think you the two of you must be a match. (Because as we know, being single is not enough to have in common to keep a relationship going). In fact, this is about knowing two people who you think might a) have fun together b) be a resource for each other so they can each meet other singles c) be a match for a more permanent long-term relationship (marriage). Someone might say to themselves, “My single, unattached male friend likes x, y and z and I think his likes and his personality might work with my single, unattached female friend’s likes and personality.” Voila- we have a potential match!

I know this sound easier than it is and I know that this process isn’t a guarantee but we should try it. We should actually try it for all singles we know. You never know when, where or how you could make a match. Dating referrals can be successful. They say, “Every member a missionary”, why not also, “Every member a matchmaker”? It’s not a bad idea. You might not get any referral money but you will be the hero in some couple’s fairy tale story when someone asks them the question, “So, how did you two meet?” and that really should be quite satisfying. Like I said it is a win-win situation so get out there and make some matches!!

The Sober Drunk Dial

I was thinking of how I should explain the drunk dial for those of you that don't know, but honestly it means exactly what you think it would mean. A drunk dial is when a person who drinks, drinks too much, gets drunk and dials up a previous boyfriend, girlfriend, old friend or acquaintance, etc. and declares some statement of undying love or some private statement that should have been left unsaid. It is famous in chick flicks and infamous with those who do it in reality. Don't think that because I don't drink, that I have not or am not capable of the sober drunk dial.

I was out to dinner with some friends and I was explaining the heartache I felt over not being able to explain myself to my ex-boyfriend and the heartache I felt that my ex-boyfriend would not take nor return any of my phone calls. My friend looked at me and said, "You've called him?" I explained that in a moment of loneliness and sadness, I might have made a phone call or two or three.... he gave me a look of pity and said, "And you don't even drink. Chris, we don't call ex-boyfriends, we are better than that." He then must have seen the sad look on my face because then he kindly said, "However, we all get over relationships in our own way but really Chris, no more phone calls!"

I don't know if it is that we are better than that but we should respect ourselves more than that. I realized that one of my catalyst for wanting to sober drunk dial is obviously not alcohol, it is those moments of lost faith and lost hope. They can happen any time but them seem to happen more frequently after  you  (or really when I) have watched a movie where the unlikely characters fall in a warm embrace and declare how no outside influence, no obstacle can stop them from their love. It makes you a bit sick but you also want just a piece of it. Someone who will defy all odds to come to your rescue. It is in those moments that you just want to pick up the phone and maybe have the other person on the other end say something, anything that would take away some of the loneliness, heartache and the unknown. Late nights, too much thinking time, quiet houses, cheesy movies, airplane trips, romantic holidays, holidays in general are all times that  we (or I) can be in danger of giving in to those moments and making a sober drunk dial, text, email. I would like to say that we should find a way to dig deep and stay strong and that we are where we are for a good reason and looking backwards has never been the solution. However, I personally know the struggle of trying to make sense of a situation that may never make sense and wanting to find a way to make the angst of it all go away.

For the record, I should get some points for tonight because after the couple kissed and the credits rolled, I spent a few minutes reminiscing about my past and then reality grabbed hold and I wrote this post because as my friend said, "We ARE better than that!" So, here is to not sober drunk dialing. Cheers!!

The TRAP

I fell for it. Yep, I fell for it again. You remember my complicated crush? Well, we kept "running" into each other and after our "break-up", I decided on a new form of interaction. It looked something like this: Run into Crush, be nice, look and smell terrific, smile, and wait. Wait for Crush to say something then I of course would respond with something witty and sweet back and then, and then as he wanted to talk a bit more, I would say my good-byes be leave. Well, this cycle went on for a while quite nicely until Crush stepped up his game. When we would "run" into each other, he would flirt, comment on my hair or my outfit, say nice things and make references to our past time together. I would then do the cool chick thing again and say something witty but not flirty, try and look terrific, smile and leave him wanting just a bit more. UNTIL...I fell for it. He flirted, he smiled, my heart melted so I flirted back. Then the next time he would flirt a bit more boldly, my knees would go weak and I flirted back. I even secured myself a date to the movies. This "date" was suppose to be tonight. I came home from work and primped (and I mean primped) until there was a small miscommunication and my date was and I quote, "rescheduled". For when, I do not know. I was not too pleased and spent my night a bit ticked off. I was not mad that he reschedule (that happens), I was not mad that there was miscommunication (that happens), I was mad that I fell for the trap. Alas, tomorrow is a new day and we will start the whole cycle over again. Crush will say something, I will be nice, smell terrific, smile, say something witty and just as he wants a bit more, say my good-byes and enjoy the look on his face when I walk out the door in my knee-high lipstick red high-heel boots. Who says I play fair?

Pass the 401(k)

I am trying to figure out where to start. You see I met someone. Really, I did. He is tall, dark and handsome and he is kind, smart and funny. When I am around him my heart does wacky things. We like spending time with each other and we can talk for hours. I think he is great and I also know that he thinks that I am great. But I think I should explain the whole story...

We met and I flirted and flirted and flirted, we went out and had a fabulous time. I then flirted and flirted and we went out again and a more fabulous time. I then "ran" into him and you guessed it, I flirted, we had lunch together, we had a great time and then, well then, we broke-up. I guess you can't really call it breaking up because we weren't really dating but we did decide not to see each other (it's complicated). I have to admit I am a bit sad but I have to say this dating thing does a lot for your self-esteem. Oh, and apparently I can still flirt. Talk about a win win experience.

However, with all of this self esteem I still had one issue. The issue is that I am not a breakfast beverage. Let me explain.

My date, my wonderful fabulous date told me that when he looks at relationships, friendships, new projects, etc. he asks himself the question, "Is the juice worth the squeeze?". The first time he said it to me, I said, "What???" and he said, "You know, is it really worth all the work to drink freshly squeezed orange juice?" I have to admit that I was a bit taken back. I come from an industrial people, I was born in the beehive state, isn't all work worth it? When we "broke-up", I keep thinking about the phrase and asking myself (in a pathetic, whiny voice), "Why am I not worth the squeeze?" Truth be told, I harped on this concept of freshly squeezed orange juice for quite a while. I even thought (in a desperate moment) about sending him a carton of juice with a note that said, "Definitely worth the squeeze". However, after thinking about our complicate issues and thinking about myself as with and without pulp, I realized something fantastic.

I am not, nor will I ever be orange juice. I am not something that on a whim you can decide that you want. I am not a quick fix to thirst or an after-thought at breakfast. No, I am not an empty calorie breakfast beverage. I am a 401(k). I am an investment. I am something that is long-term, steady and even though I may have my ups and downs, I am loyal and I will pay off big time in the end.

So, am I worth the squeeze? Maybe not, but I am definitely worth the investment.

Mr. Monk and the Mormon

Have you ever had an experience that left you wondering, "Seriously, this can't really be happening?" I had an experience this week that has still left me quite puzzled and now that I am writing the events down, I am not sure this post will ever get posted. This whole situation could be chalked up to a crazy single girl story but at the end, I still don't have any answers. So, let's begin. About a month or so ago, I was walking in to the gym when I say this cute guy. I checked for a wedding ban (this is a must as a single girl but doesn't guarantee that the guy is single) acknowledged his cuteness and moved on. He was tall, broad, and bald. However, as I was leaving the gym, I noticed him again but this time I took him off my list of possibilities for reasons that will be come obvious by the end of this post. Over the following months, I would see him, question his situation in my head, again acknowledge his cuteness, and move on. Well, this week something changed. On Thursday, we happened to pass each other in the gym and our eyes met, I smiled, he smiled and then I quickly looked at the ground. I am a bit gun-shy and I am not good at the whole, keep eye contact, smile, flirt thing. On Saturday, I was walking into the gym when I saw him coming in behind me so I held the door for 10 seconds and said something stupid as he thanked me for holding the door. I honestly was not flirting with him but it seemed rude to just let the door slam in his face when he was behind me. I started on the treadmill and started working out in my own world. After my treadmill warm-up, I decided to go to lift some weights. I had my headphones on and I just went about my usually routine. However, HE was lifting weights too. I honestly tried not to pay attention to him and I even tried to act coy but it seemed as if we were operating in a very small circle. I went over to the leg machines and I thought I could feel him looking at me. I did my bicep curls by the mirror and he came over and I thought he actually wanted to say something but I did my best to avoid eye contact. He walked over to the hand weights himself and then he had to move out of my way so I could put my weights back. Believe me when I say that I wasn't flirting (I don't really know how). We just happened to be lifting weights at the same time. When I was done with my routine, I went to get my chart and sat down on an exercise ball to fill out my day's accomplishments. All of a sudden, HE walks up and asks me if it helps to keep a record of my workouts. After I quickly recovered from the fact that he was talking to me, I told him it did and I quickly flipped through the chart I keep. I asked him about the record that he kept because I watched him flip through his day planner during his workout. "Oh", he said. "That is not a chart, those are prayers that I am working on. You see, I am a Buddhist Monk." SERIOUSLY! I am not kidding. I have never had a man come up and talk to me in the gym and the one guy that finally comes up to talk to me is a Buddhist Monk????? Luckily, I already thought he was a monk to the fact that he came into the gym sometimes dressed like this sometimes but I really hoped that he wasn't. He is cute.

So, I did what I am good at and I interviewed him. I asked him why he became a monk and we talked about religion and such. It was not the usual first meeting questioning. I kept thinking to myself, "You are a monk. WHY are you talking to me?" I wanted to think that it is because we both have not dated in a long time and we are both religious but seriously, how would he have known that? I know that monks take many vows so it didn't make any sense that he would want to "get to know me". I am sure that it wouldn't work to go to dinner or go to the movies. It is just strange. I have no idea what to think about the situation so, I introduced myself, "Umm, my name is Chris, it's nice to meet you." "It is nice to meet you, my name is John Paul." John Paul, a good strong New Testament name. John Paul- the Buddhist monk. So, where does that leave Mr. Monk and Mormon? Who knows but going to the gym has become a lot more interesting.

Going Car Shopping #2

Due to the fact that I have decided to go car shopping (see last post), I have been on the look out. I had this exchange with myself on the metro a few days ago. (No, I am not crazy (entirely), I just spend a lot of time on my own)

It all started when I saw a good looking bald guy walking down the escalator.

Me: Wow, he is kind-of cute.

I walk past him as he goes to buy a metro card.

Me: I wonder if I will see him again, he was cute.

Sitting down reading my newspaper waiting for the train.

Me: Oh, there he is and. . .OH, he is sitting down next to me. WHY?? There are plenty of other seats.

Me: (now pretending to read the newspaper) I should say something. BUT WHAT?! Maybe I should offer him some of my paper to read. THAT IS LAME. He could get his own free paper. But maybe he wants to read. THAT IS LAME. Ok, I should ask him what time it is. Umm, you have a watch on, duh! Oh yeah, I could take the watch off. Like he wouldn't notice. I wonder if I look ok or if he can tell that I am pretending to read the newspaper. I could tell him I like his shoes. That is a weird thing to say to a boy. I could ask him directions. LAME. You look like you are going to work and you are not one of those girls who needs directions. You are too smart for that line. ummmm, maybe the shoe comment? NO. You know if he was interested, he could say something to you. Oh, the train is coming. He is walking to that car. Should I follow him? No.

So, I got on the other train. Lame, yes. Safe, yes. Crazy, just a bit.

Maybe this is why people shop for car at car lots. It is just easier big selection and everyone know why you are there.

Going Car Shopping

Most mornings while I am riding to work on the metro, I read a free paper published by the Washington Post. It is small enough so that you don't have to hold your arms up to read it and thus you can stay in your own personal space (very important on a crowded metro). One section that I love is what they call the Blog Log. They find and publish bits and pieces of blogs on many various topics. I usually get a good laugh and then I pray that they never find my blog. Here is an entry from a few weeks ago that I saved because I could not have agreed with it more. This is from lacochran's blog.

"Over time, I've noticed that in men and in cars, I've come to require the same list of non-negotiable things (in no particular order):

• Not girly.
• Not all flash.
• Designed with intelligence.
  
• Solid.
  
• Agile and responsive.
  
• Doesn't get all shaky and fall apart if I push the envelope.
• Thrilling.
• Dependably consistent.
• Not jerky.
  

Notice how I didn't mention cup holders? I'm all kinds of classy like that,
Not too much to ask, now is it? It took me a long time to get clear on that but I am.
So, yeah, non-negotiable. You say I'm spoiled. I say I'm clear on objectives. Tomato, tomahto."

I think if I added friendly to the environment, I would be all set. Now all I have to do is go car shopping.