There is no I in Team

I started to write this post two months ago about Girls Camp. I went up for skit night and I had a great time. However as I started to write, the post turned from a commercial for Girls Camp to a post on marriage. How you might ask? I would have to say that one reason is that I have a crazy mind and the other reason is that I am interested in relationships and how they work. Church activities, camp, parks, the grocery store, etc. are all places where I like to observe relationships and I see many positive and negative interactions. I am not naive to think that a brief observation on my part can show me the depth of any relationship but I do think that I see a glimpse.

So what does any of this have to do with Girls Camp? Well, when I first got to Girls Camp the first thing someone said to me was about the Girls Camp Leader's husband. She said, "Scott hasn't stopped working since he got here." My friend told me that Scott decided to take three days off of work to come to camp because he told Linda (his wife & the Stake Camp Director) that she wouldn't order anyone else around so he was coming so she could get what she needed done without feeling like she had to do it herself. My friend then said, "Linda and Scott just make a good team."

Here is Scott (he is a doctor) performing minor surgery on Alicia to get a deer tick out of the back of her knee.

I started thinking of this concept of a marriage as a team sport. So, I looked around at some of my friends in the ward and I thought of what made their teams successful. Lately, I have just heard of marriages failing so it is nice to see some relationships actually do well.

For example, Teressa's husband went on the fourth year high adventure. This is his 3rd year in a row doing this. Two years ago, it rained so hard that Richard stood over the fire with an umbrella just so the girls could have a fire. At every stake young womens activity, you can find Richard, Nick, and Brent (my friend's husbands) setting up early and cleaning up late. When I asked Teressa about this, she said that is just how they work together. She supports him and he supports her and to watch them it is really true.

Richard & Teressa

My friend Jennifer's husband makes the family breakfast almost everyday. My friend Kolette's husband is willing year after year to teach certification lessons and help her with camp. My friend Kelley's husband comes home from work and plays with their three very active boys. He is also the person at every party who is out playing with the kids and keeping them happy. My friend Jill's husband does my taxes:) He also helps Jill with the kids, the house, etc. My friend Natalie's husband helps the kids get off to school. I could go on and on. I have amazing friends and even though I know that there marriages are not perfect, I admire the fact that in these relationships, both the husbands and wives work together to make good teams.

Here is a picture of my friend's husbands at the father's day picnic.
(Matt, Rob, Eric, Chief, Matt, Nick, & John)

Thanks for the good examples. I hope one day to find someone who will be willing to start a team with me. For now, I am happy being a bench warmer and observing the good plays on the field.

Happy Birthday DAD!

A few years ago, I was googling LDS articles on marriage for a lesson when I came across about.com's list of 10 best articles on marriage. I was quite surprised when I found that one of the top ten was an article written by my dad in 1983. My dad is a great list maker and is a great example of someone who works to make his good marriage great!

Thank you for your example DAD &
Happy 68th Birthday!

Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great

1. Night and Morning Prayer … to say thanks, to ask for help in your marriage and family, to worship together.

2. A Weekly Planning Meeting … to discuss the calendar, talk over needs and problems, decide priorities and next steps. (Write decisions in a journal, including goals and discussion topics, and reasons for each.)

3. A Daily Phone Call or Personal Conversation … to say “I love you,” to touch base, to discuss the day, to show you care.

4. A Weekly Date … to a favorite park, a concert, the library, the gym; or staying home for a candlelight dinner, a game, or a mutual hobby.

5. Patience Regardless … of missed meals, tardiness, forgotten favors, a thoughtless remark, impatience.

6. Daily Service … helping with house or yard work, mending a piece of clothing, taking a turn with the sick baby, fixing a favorite meal. (Write it down. Do it!)

7. A Budget … to tie down income and expenses, help set financial goals, and give you control over your finances.

8. Listening … not only to what is said, but also to what is meant.

9. Regular Attendance … at church—and where possible—the temple.

10. Daily Scripture Reading … to learn the gospel, to receive inspiration for yourself and your marriage, to become more like Jesus.

11. Working Together … caring for a garden, painting a bedroom, washing the car, scrubbing floors, building a piece of furniture, writing a poem together, team teaching a class.

12. Forgiving Each Other … always learning from each other, trying a different way, being the first to make peace.

13. Courtesies … like saying please and thank you, not interrupting or belittling, not doing all the talking, continuing the niceties of courtship.

14. Soft and Kind Words … of tenderness, compassion, empathy.

15. Learning Together by … reading to each other, discussing ideas, taking a class.

16. Respecting … opinions, ideas, privacy.

17. Supporting Your Spouse’s … Church callings and righteous goals.

18. Caring for Your Spouse’s Family by … enjoying their company, praying for them, serving them, overlooking differences.

19. Occasional Gifts … such as a note, a needed item—but mostly gifts of time and self.

20. Loving with All Your Heart. “Thou shalt love thy wife [thy husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her [him] and none else.” (D&C 42:22.)

“Twenty Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great,” Ensign, Dec 1983, 64