The Student becomes the Master

As I was writing this post, I came to this strange realization of how life just has strange way of taking one encounter and producing results years later. In May of 2007, I was a chaperone on the Youth Conference trip for my stake. I had a fabulous time as we toured upstate New York. As we were waiting to go on the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls, I got into a conversation with our new Stake President about being single and about speed dating. I had told him that I thought speed dating was a good idea and that I knew that there were a lot of other religious groups that held similar events. He said that he thought we should do something like that and that it would be a good way for Mormon singles to meet other Mormon singles. Well, fast forward to February 2008 and I was asked to help facilitate a Speed Meet event at our Stake Youth Valentine's Day dance. It was really fun to watch the youth interact and get to meet new people. I also watched and learned some things that could improve the event for next time. Ok, now fast forward another few months and I decided to attended my first speed dating event and to my shock and surprise, I actually had a nice time. I am so glad that I actually went not only because it was a good experience but because a few month later, the mid-singles committee put me in charge of the speed dating portion of one of our events. I do not think that I would have been able to pull off the event without my previous experience. The night was a huge success and after the event, it only took me 16 hours (seriously, that is not an exaggeration) to send out emails to all of those participants that matched with other participants. Apparently, they got such good feedback that they even discussed it for quite a while in the High Council meeting with the Stake President present. I just started putting the chain of events together but isn't it interesting that in May of 2007 I would have a conversation which would lead me down certain paths that would put me in charge of an event a year and half later? Totally strange. They are planning another speed dating event in January and I told my committee leader to just put me in as co-chair of the event with another cute male co-chair (good thinking, huh:)). I have been able to work out some of the bugs in the system and hopefully the next event will not take me 16 hours to recover from. We took a survey after the event and there were many people who had actually gone on dates with people that they met at the speed dating event.

Here are some pictures from that night.

Go Speed Racer, Go!

12 Dates, No Kisses

After all the hype and all the nerves, I went, I saw, and I survived my first speed dating experience. I have to say that I was kind-of hoping for a few more ridiculous interactions to write about on my blog. I was looking for something a bit salacious to balance out all of the pre-dating anxiety. I guess I could write about the guy at the restaurant (who was not part of the speed dating) who sat down to "date" me for 4 minutes. That was strange and a bit creepy, and he touched my knee two too many times. I could also write about the one guy that was so clearly 15- 20 years older than me (which would make him 25-30 years old than Emma). Not so cool. I could end the post about how we got turned around on our way home and ending up on an army base.

However, instead of sensational, I would say that speed dating was fine. Not overwhelming good or bad, just fine. I met some very nice guys. I didn’t think that any of them have long term potential but I would not mind running into some of them again. The hardest part for me was at the end. You have a sheet of paper with all of the names of your “dates” and you have to pick who you liked. I felt bad that I wasn’t picking some of the guys because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings (I know, dumb!). So, if I had more than 5 minutes to pick, I probably would have picked fewer guys. You live and you learn. I don’t know yet if I “matched” with anyone (meaning I picked them and they picked me) but I really don’t care. It was actually surprising comfortable and I would do it again. I am glad that I went because I learned a lot about myself and I learned a few things that will be on the non-negotiable list like, must not hate, in fact must strongly like, maybe even possibly love Utah. So, 12 dates and no kisses, that has to be some sort of record (just kidding, Mom).

Go SPEEDRACER...GO!

I feel that I have told most people but here is a confession. I signed up for a speed dating night. OHHH. I can already hear the "yahoos" and the "are you crazy?" comments. For the record, the movies make speed dating look so fun and interesting so I thought I would try it out. (I know, the movies make lots of things look fun and I should not use that as any sort of gauge.) However, to be honest, the moment that I signed up I regretted it. The only redeem grace was that I thought, "Well, at least I can blog about it." Hours of potential torture and I am excited because I can write about it...sick, sick, sick.

I told a few co-workers that I signed up for the speed dating event and here is one exchange I had:
Me: "So, did I tell you I signed up for a Speed Dating event?"
Mormon co-worker: "Seriously?"
Me: "Yeah, it is organized by a professional group in D.C. and they put together Jewish, Catholic, etc. speed dating events and I signed up for the Mormon Speed Dating event."
Mormon co-worker: (Coughing while saying), "Boring. You know they actually call that a scripture chase, Moses 1:34"
Me: (Laughing) "Well, it gets better, it is on July 24th (Pioneer Day for all you non-Utahans) and they are holding it at a wine bar."
Mormon co-worker: (Laughing) "Yeah, that is funny."

Our conversation concluded by his telling me how he is so glad that he didn't have to be in the dating scene and how he felt bad that I had to be. Not that I wasn't nervous before but that night I went online and found an article entitled, The Pros and Cons of Speed Dating by Amy Schoen. It was actually very helpful at putting the situation into perspective.

Here is part of the article , (it is long but if you interested in Speed Dating, it is a good read)

Let me give you a bit of a set up: Most speed dating organizations organize the event by age groups, interests, even religions. You arrive at a bar, restaurant or community center with about 2 dozen other singles - half women and half men. You sign in and are given a number and a card for taking notes about the people you meet.Pairs are assigned and you find the person for which you will begin with. Different organizations have different time limits. The time to spend together can range from 2 minutes to 10 minutes. After the first round, you move onto subsequent rounds with a new partner. If you are interested in someone, you put their number on the card.By the end, if both people like each other and put each other's numbers down on the card submitted to the organizers, then they receive each other's contact information so they can meet outside the event. However, if one person puts down an individual and that person doesn't reciprocate, then no contact information is given out. Below are some Pros and Cons to consider so you will be aware of what you may be facing in this kind of dating prospect venue.

Cons of Speed Dating:

1. How you decide to meet someone is based on superficial stuff - it's only natural to judge someone on looks and first impressions. You may be turned off right away and then not make any effort reach deeper to get to know someone's inner soul.
2. If you know that you have no interest in someone, you still have to spend the rest of the time talking to him or her. This can be torturous - especially if your partner has no conversational skills. Minutes can seem like hours!
3. You have to subject yourself to rejection. What if you like someone and they don't like you back? Speed dating is not for the thin-skinned person. Your inner critic will have a field day if no one picks you.
4. There may be a cute guy across the room (okay, we can't help being superficial!) and you are never paired up with him because of time constraints. You may never get a chance to meet him. It seems like the stars are conspiring against you and there was a major opportunity lost.
5. No connections were made; you feel like the evening was a waste of time and wish that you stayed home that night watching Gray's Anatomy!

Yes, speed dating can be a disappointment ... but the good news is that there have been successful meetings at these events. I know a married couple who met this way. I also have had clients meet nice people to date. Here is the positive side of speed dating.

Pros of Speed Dating:

1. You get to meet at least a half dozen people who are inclined to give you their undivided attention for the time allotted.
2. If you sit back and relax, you can get a sense of someone, their demeanor and their essence - whether it's positive or negative. This is when it's helpful to know how to read body language.
3. You know the majority of people are serious about meeting someone to date. Why else would someone subject themselves to this?
4. You can see if you can carry a conversation with someone. You'll find out if there are interests in common. You may not meet the love of your life, but you could find a person who could be a life long friend.
5. You may actually meet someone you like that you would consider dating. Now you're ahead of where you were when you walked in the door!

I wish I had read this article BEFORE I signed up because apparently, I am actually paying for the experience of possible rejection. Lucky for me I am also dragging my friend Emma along for the ride. Wish us both luck because we are in for an adventure.