A Good Stretch

Last Thanksgiving, my sister, her husband, four of their six children and I went to my Uncle and Aunt's house for dinner. It was actually the day before Thanksgiving but who would ever turn down a Thanksgiving dinner. As we gathered to say the blessing on our Thanksgiving feast, my Uncle thanked everyone for coming and for being so flexible with their schedules to come the day before Thanksgiving. As he said this, my nephew Eric who had just barely turned five, started commenting quietly but out loud to himself. He said, "I, I'm not flexible. Now, Jenna (Eric's sister who was 8 years old at the time) Jenna is flexible. She can do the splits. I can't do the splits. I'm not flexible but I can do the arm splits." At that point he held up his arms in the arm splits. I could not help giggling over his statement and when I pointed out Eric doing the arm splits, we all had a good laugh.


I, I'm not that flexible. Even after years of what has felt that huge bouts of stretching in my life, maybe even being put on the rack (and I do mean this more metaphorically), I still do not like being stretched. 2009 was a hard year for me. I struggled with just getting through the year. 2010 started off with great promise. I met someone new, someone wonderful and we started dating. However, as good as 2010 started, it quickly became a year of stretching. I experienced heartaches that are very private but never the less, have caused me to question some core beliefs about who I am. I got a new job. A job which I love and I feel blessed to have but that doesn't mean that it doesn't challenge me almost daily and I do miss my old friends that I left at the other bank. I turned 35 years old. I have never been good at big birthdays and I just felt older and I felt that some of my life goals and plans were slipping away. My house sold (which is awesome) but the sale resulted in losing my roommate, changing homes, changing states, changing wards and changing callings (So far, I have lost one calling and yet to gain another). I met a wonderful lady at church a few Sundays ago. As she introduced herself to me, and I told her that I was new, she nicely said, "Now, don't think we aren't an accepting bunch but it just takes about a year to get acclimated." I told her I completed understood but to be honest, it just made me feel more alone. I feel so distant from my old life and I miss not getting lost and knowing all the shortcuts. My boyfriend and I have had many more ups than downs but lately it seems that even that relationship has caused me to stretch. Please don't mistake my lack of flexibility for ingratitude. I am blessed and so grateful for all I have. I am just sore and tired of all this stretching and I am wondering that maybe, just maybe if I hang in there, I can at least learn to do the arm splits.

Highlights for Thanksgiving

I have always thought that blond jokes were funny because I never thought of myself as what the media personifies as a dumb blond. In fact, I always assume that the jokes are about another group of people. I may have the same hair color as this group but that is where the similarities end. So, for Thanksgiving this year, we had to come up with a talent for the talent show. I don't sing, I was not about to dance, and I don't know any tricks. However, I do know some blond jokes! Here is my Thanksgiving talent. I last joke is my favorite.

Joke #1

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July – Spent hours staring at the frozen orange juice can…it said concentrate

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car flooded, the top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November – Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

December – Had to move…news said 90% of accidents happen at home

What a year!!

Joke #2

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My Goodness!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Joke #3

A plane is on its way to Boston when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Boston and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Boston and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Boston."

Joke #4

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde smiled and handed him $5.00

I think the jokes were a huge success! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!